Benjamin is a diaperlover. That's what people who have a diaper fetish call themselves. He can't remember it ever being any other way. For as long as he can remember, he has been attracted to diapers. At the age of 20, he develops depression and suffers from panic attacks. He seeks psychotherapeutic treatment, but keeps the secret of his fetish to himself. His condition does not improve until he is fifty, and so he finally allows himself to think that the fetish and the illness might be related. So he decides to reveal his secret. Will he be able to finally accept himself after fifty years? Will his life improve as a result?
Lian Boll was born in Hamburg in 1969. He lives an inconspicuous, sheltered life. Kindergarten, school, studies in computer science, software developer, marriage, children. Everything proceeds in a straight line. However, already in his early childhood he discovers that diapers are good for him. During puberty, this passion develops into a fetish and becomes part of his sexuality. Without the possibility of anonymous exchange, the Internet that today allows us this form of communication did not yet exist, he feels lonely with his fetish. He is ashamed and believes until the beginning of his twenties that he is the only person in the world with such perverse feelings. It is not until his mid-twenties, when the Internet has been able to develop for several years, that he discovers that he is not alone with his fetish. Still, he can't bring himself to talk about his fetish and live it freely and lightheartedly. His ambivalent relationship to diapers, he often processes in written form. With the book "Alone" he publishes his first of these stories, and gives the reader an insight into the emotional world of a diaperlover, torn between self-loathing and sexual excitement.
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